Submitted by Jeremy on Mon, 10/30/2017 - 00:01

Guacamole (Gwak-Ah-Molay) is a pallet-pleasing pillar at parties for every occasion. The execution of a good guacamole will cement your culinary expertise at the top of the fiesta. It's the amped up chip-dip that you can't afford to not know how to whip up.


2 medium size avocados
-1 red onion
-2 cloves of garlic
-1 lime
-1 tomato
-1 serrano pepper
-1/8 cup Cilantro

-garlic powder

1. Man vs. Avocado: With a chopping knife, cut open the avocados and remove the pits. Be very careful not to cut, slice or impale yourself or anyone around you. Seriously, investigating "avocado hand" will keep you up at night.
-Do not cup it in your hand. Instead, laying it flat on a cutting board gently work your way through the tough skin and down to the pit. Circle around the pit until you can twist both halves and they separate.
-Using a spoon, remove the pit and scrape the flesh into a large mixing bowl.
-Take a fork and mash the avocado flesh into a paste.

2. Onion and so on: Using the same knife and cutting board, cut the ends off of the red onion. This allows you to peel the outer layers from it (and throw them out, or better yet compost them). Too much onion in your guac will leave you dancing alone in the ballroom later. Nobody wants to smell that, Cinderella. Our recommendation is that you should add red onion a little less than half of the volume of avocado currently in your bowl.

3. Garlic doing the work: Besides being the fabric that holds the food universe together, garlic is the behind-the-scenes player that will have the largest impact on your guacamole. Careful not to overdo it, as behind-the-scenes can quickly become elephant-in-the-room if not done properly. Garlic has evolved sulfide compounds that are easily absorbed in the body. This is the reason for the strong smell, which can be potent enough to deter biting insects.
-Break 2 cloves from the bulb. 
-Using the broadside of the knife, press down on the garlic until the clove splits apart.
-Remove and discard the skin.
-Tediously mince the garlic into fine cubes and add to mixing bowl. 
4. Serrano Surgery: The serrano pepper can be your best friend or your worst enemy. The key to staying on its good graces is to account for all of the seeds that it contains. Capsaicin is the naturally occuring compound in peppers that irritates skin and burns through gastrointestinal tracts with inferno-like ferocity. Once you've started handling the pepper, be conscious about touching your eyes, nose and mouth. Big girls don't cry. 
-Cut the stem from the pepper and throw it out. The glands that produce capsaicin are close to the stem of the pepper. Cut further down if you're shy about the heat.
-Slicing lengthwise along the pepper will allow you to spread it open and lay it flat on the cutting board. To the best of your ability, carve out the placenta - the white stuff holding all the seeds in place. Discard everything except the green flesh. If you miss a seed now, you will find it later.
-Mince the Serrano pepper and add into mixing bowl.

5. Tomato Town: Cutting a tomato can be a sloppy process. Although they have a high water content (up to 95%), their nutritional value should not be understated. According to the USDA, tomatoes contain 17%DV of Vitamin C, 5% Vitamin A, and 8% Vitamin K per 100g. The water contained in the tomato will keep your guac fluid, and avoid brittle-chip breakage.​
-Remove the woody portion that once attached to the stem, and cube the rest of it.
-Add the entire cubed tomato to your mix.

6. Lime Time: Newton's Third Law states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Besides sweetening the deal, adding lime to your guacamole will neutralize Capsacin on a molecular level. 
-Cut the lime end to end using a finely serrated knife. The rind can be tough and a certain amount of sawing is needed to get through.
-Make another end to end cut 30-45 degrees from the initial incision, and remove your slice.

7. Sleepless without Cilantro: One of the oldest cultivated herbs in human history, many people feel very strongly about the taste of cilantro. If it had to be categorized, on a spectrum it would be between basil and mint. Adding it to guacamole will perk it up with a grassy, fresh texture to compliment the chunks of the other ingredients.
-Rinse off and add 1/8 cup of end leaves.

8. Bring it on home: Sea salt and black pepper are often overlooked as serious spices. A dash of each will complete the guacamole. Keep it simple and let the fresh natural ingredients do the heavy lifting. 

Finally -there are tortilla chips and then there are Juanita's. Made in Hood River Oregon, these have proven to be the crispest, most authentic tortilla chips on the shelves. Maybe you have a favorite, but if you try these you may not go back.